Small weddings, micro-weddings, elopements, virtual weddings - they are all here to stay for a while, like it or not. This could mean that someone that was once physically invited to your wedding no longer is. Do they still have to give a gift? That could mean someone attends your micro-wedding this year and your big wedding next year, do they give a gift twice? On this week’s podcast episode, we’re talking all about the new rules of gift-giving.   

Q: What were the old rules of gift-giving? 

A: You're pretty much expected to give a gift if you're invited to a bridal shower and the wedding. So, if you weren't invited, obviously, you don't have to give a gift but if you were invited, you should have given a gift for those two main big events. 

Q: What if you're invited but didn't go? 

A: You are still supposed to give a gift. You don't have to give necessarily as big a gift, but you should still give a gift.

Q: What if you were invited initially but now are no longer invited? Now, enter COVID. 

A: There's no Emily Post rules that relate to a COVID wedding, so it's all new to all of us. So, I think it really depends. If you're super close with that person, like it's a friend or a family member, I think you should definitely still give a gift. If it's a work friend, maybe less inclined to have to give a gift but I still think it's nice, if your budget can allow it. Especially since you were going to give a gift before anyways. You don't have to give a big gift, you can give something small and I think good advice for people is to make sure that your wedding registry has all the different price points because you can give a gift that's $10 or $15 if you're not going and you've now been uninvited. It's just something small to let people know that, hey, this is kind of a crappy situation, I know that, here's a little something to brighten your day. 

Q: What if you're uninvited now but you were told that they'll be something next year too? 

A: I think you can wait in that instance, to give something next year, assuming that the date is set. If they're like, hey, we're going to do something next year, but we don't know when, then I would go ahead and send the gift now because it seems a little more wishy-washy of whether that will actually happen. 

Q: What does this mean for a registry? 

A: Keep it stocked. You want to keep it stocked closer to your wedding date. A couple weeks before, make sure you still have a good option of small, medium, expensive. But now you have to almost keep it stocked for the next year if you're planning to get married now and have a big party next year, you need to keep it stocked throughout the year.  And that even give you an opportunity to get some things that maybe you weren't originally planning to. Maybe you got all your pots and pans for your original date, but you want to have some fun summer plates for outside, different things like that, that maybe you weren't originally going to be registering for. 

Q: What if a couple feels bad still asking for gifts? 

A: I don't think you should because someone is not going to give you a gift if they can't.  But people do want to gift you things. They want to celebrate; they want to give you a gift. That's like part of the whole celebration, so don't feel bad. But if you still feel bad, then you don't have to link to your registry from your wedding website, you don't even have to create a wedding registry but keep in mind, if you don't create a wedding registry, people are still going to gift you things. You'll just get a lot of random things. So, you might as well give them a guidance of what you're looking for. You could always ask for donations, that's something I've seen a lot with LoveStream is people will put a link to a donation page maybe for a charity they're involved with or a cause that they support. You could even ask guests, hey, pay for a COVID test before you come to the wedding as your gift to me to make sure that we're all COVID-free. 

Q: What was your favorite gift on your registry? 

A: Actually our china was my favorite gift. Because I never would have bought that for myself. I eventually would have bought myself the KitchenAid. 


Check out this podcast and others on the Bustld YouTube channel!


Photo credit: Libby McGowan Photography